


Jealousy

by thedepressedwriter



Series: Tales from Hogwarts and the Marauders (all from my instagram @marauderswriting) [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Fights, Gay, Gay Sirius Black, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Moony - Freeform, Padfoot - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29497869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedepressedwriter/pseuds/thedepressedwriter
Summary: Sirius gets jealous and things turn ugly...ANGST
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Tales from Hogwarts and the Marauders (all from my instagram @marauderswriting) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159046
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Jealousy

Jealous Sirius

Sirius always particularly disliked the way the entirety of Hogwarts’ female population was prone to constant swooning over Remus, but what he hated most, were the few queer guys who seemed to be constantly flirting with his boyfriend. More specifically, he despised Alejandro Soriano, the tall, charming Hufflepuff with his stupid annoying Spanish accent and his smooth caramel skin, and his dark “sparkly” eyes. 

Sirius had been making his way to the Charms classroom through the bustling crowd of students when he spotted Remus leaning casually against the wall, his light brown curls a little longer than usual, framing his face and falling over the nape of his neck. His bag hung lazily off his shoulder. He had unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt, revealing part of the black lines swirling over his pale, scarred, muscular chest, and his sleeves were rolled at the elbows, exposing the tattooed lavender branch on his right forearm. Sirius had been there with him when he had decided to get that specific tattoo in memory of his mother after she passed away last summer. The bluish-purple buds blossomed around his scars, intertwining with the reddish marks and covering them with their delicate lines. 

During the past few weeks, he had noticed that the twinkling, knowing glint in Remus’ eyes had returned, just like the crooked smile, and he was glad, truly grateful to see his boyfriend live again if only a little. Yet he feared, that his true feelings were all still there, masked by carefully crafted layers upon layers of insincere happiness. For months now, Sirius had grown aware of a particular, never-leaving tension in the way he walked, in the way he stood, in the way he sat. His hands were always busy, whether they were picking at the bare threads of his sweaters or at the bloodied skin around his fingers. Even now, while Remus chatted animatedly with Soriano, who was laughing at something he had said, he twirled his wand nervously around in his hands, his fingers tracing the carved patterns restlessly.

Sirius watched as his boyfriend shook his head, chortling. His beautiful locks caught the warm sunlight for a brief second and shone goldenly. Soriano stared unabashedly, his eyes glinting with interest as he inched closer to Remus. Exhaling sharply, Sirius walked determinedly over to them, an intense scowl etched on his handsome, refined, aristocratic features. He could feel the desirous beast itching to come out for a fight, seething in the deepest parts of his guts. An intense wave of bitter jealousy washed over him. Remus was _his_ , and _only_ his. Finally reaching the pair after pushing a few Second Years roughly out of his way, he wrapped a possessive arm around Remus’ waist who raised an amused, inquisitive eyebrow, kissing him lightly as a greeting, before turning to face Soriano:

“My _boyfriend_ and I have some matters to discuss, I would be very grateful if you could leave us alone.”

The Hufflepuff towered over him, but a single glare from Sirius sufficed to silence him, and Soriano recoiled, nodding slightly before backing away and leaving. 

“Pads, I—,” began Remus hesitantly, but he was immediately cut off by Sirius.

“Not here.” 

“I—” 

“I said, not, here. Classroom,” he added shortly, “ _now_.”

His tone was harsh, some might say commanding even, and Remus dared not reply, sighing heavily instead. 

As soon as they crossed the threshold of an old, empty classroom, Remus found himself backed against a wall, the sound of the door closing loudly with a bang behind them resonating between the bare walls. Before he could utter a single word, Sirius had already shut him up with a hard, punishing, rough kiss. He let his fingers roam freely in the golden-brown curls, and for a few minutes, the ancient classroom was filled with echoing pants and growls. Suddenly, Remus pressed his palms against Sirius’ chest, pushing him off of him.

“Pads, what the actual hell?”

“What?”

“I believe _I_ should be asking the questions here, what the fuck was that all about with Alejandro?”

“Oh so he’s Alejandro now, I see how it is,” his tone was venomous, the raging beast rousing inside of him again.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? We are _friends_ , Sirius. We just _study_ together: he has been helping me with Herbology and I have been helping him with History of Magic. There is _nothing_ more to it. You _really_ need to calm the fuck _down_!” Remus shouted. 

“But—”

“Shut. _Up_.” His boyfriend’s tone was now stonily, frigidly calm, and Sirius knew he was distraught, terribly upset. 

“You do _not_ get to micromanage me, or throw a fit of jealousy whenever you please, _Black_.”

He felt his heart tighten with pain as he sucked in a sharp breath; he loathed being called by his last name and Remus knew it. 

“Forgive me if I worry and do not particularly appreciate it when some other boy gets too personal with _my_ boyfriend, and he does _nothing_ about it,” he seethed. “You do not realize, do you? All the longing stares, the people whispering as you pass by, eyeing _you_!” His voice rose with every word, getting more agitated and aggravated with every second. Sirius’ usually pale complexion was now flushed pink. 

“ _Why do you care what other people do?_ ” 

“NEVER YOU MIND WHY I CARE, DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND!?”

“NO, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.”

“YOU ARE _MY_ BOYFRIEND, MOONY. _MINE_ , _NOT_ SOMEBODY ELSE’S… And yet, I barely see you anymore, you’re _always_ off with _someone else_ , _somewhere else_ , not with _me_.” 

Sirius’ voice was now but a mere enraged whisper. He had never had someone who belonged to him, someone who loved him unconditionally, and he longed for it. He longed for that closeness, for that reassurance. There was James of course, but it wasn’t like _his Moony_. And he was so fucking afraid of losing him.

“Oh for Merlin’s sake,” Remus was now also speaking in a low, harsh voice, his words biting. “I am _not_ some object belonging to you, Black. A relationship is not about ownership or control, it’s about letting go, _trusting_ each other, giving _and_ taking _equally_.” 

He sighed nervously, and spinning briskly around, he lifted his arm in a rash movement. Sirius flinched, snapping his eyes shut and making himself as small as possible as he sank to the floor. Memories came flooding back.

* **” Do not speak to me in such manner, you ungrateful boy.” A gloved hand delivered a sharp, perfectly calculated blow to 6-year-old Sirius’ cheek. The little boy hissed in pain, angry tears slipping past his long eyelashes and rolling down his red cheeks. “Pathetic,” hissed his mother before turning away, sneering with disgust.***

***” Take off your shirt. Now.” 11-year-old Sirius whimpered, miserable: “Mother please, I’m sorry, I…the sorting hat must have made a mistake—“ Walburga Black merely glared at him, her ink-black eyes ablaze with fury, her wand readied to deliver more of the thin, silvery scars, already crisscrossing over his back. “Shut your mouth boy, you are no son of mine.” That was the first of many times she said that.***

***Pain riddled his body, as Walburga pronounced the wretched word over, and over, and over again, red light flashing from her wand. Sirius fell to his knees, screaming in suffering. “Silencio!” She bellowed, before resuming her torture. The agony kept coming in wave after wave, an unstoppable onslaught. With no energy to fight left, he let his body hit the floor with a hard thud, his empty eyes glazed over with tears, as he lay there, immobile, no one knowing if he was quite alive anymore.”**

Sirius looked up, staring right into Remus’ fiery eyes, fearful. The stoic mask fell from his boyfriend’s face, his eyes shining with gentle sadness as he realized. And for a moment, it was as if Remus’ thoughts flashed inside of his mind, and Sirius saw the insecurity, the fear of lack of giving into feelings, of abandoning himself to someone. He also saw the utter panic at the possibility of being left behind, forgotten, all alone, the horror at the chance of hurting someone, someone he deeply cared about. Unknowingly, Remus had opened his mind up to him, and Sirius had unconsciously used Legilimency; neither of them realized. And just like that, the veil fell back into place, and Remus's face hardened again. He leaned down and hugged him, burying his face briefly into Sirius's long, black, silky hair. 

“I’m sorry,” his lips mouthed against his neck. 

A small shiver ran down Sirius’ spine. 

“I’m so scared of losing you Moony,” he whispered back. “I do not want to lose you, I can’t bear the thought of it.” 

His boyfriend stood back up. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated his voice trembling. “I…I can’t…” 

He left the classroom. 

Burying his face in his hands, Sirius leaned back against the cold stone wall. 

One thought replayed in his mind incessantly: 

“I can’t believe I fucked this shit up all over again.” 

Somewhere many floors above, the same eleven words danced across Remus’ mind. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on a sudden whim, and turned out differently than intended bc at first it was supposed to be a hot fun fic and then there's whatever this is.  
> as always, from my ig @marauderswriting  
> read and review!  
> b-bye, daya


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